This Time
by AuroraLily
Summary: Jack knows what happened between Kate and Sawyer, and now that they are all back to the camp with Juliet, things are more tense then ever. But when Kate goes missing, there is only one person who can save her.
1. Chapter 1

Title: This Time

Pairing: Jate, some Skate

Rating: T

Summary: Jack knows what happened between Kate and Sawyer, and now that they are all back to the camp with Juliet, things are more tense then ever. But when Kate goes missing, there is only one person who can save her.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lost, its characters or plot. It all belongs to J.J. Abrams, ABC, etc.

Chapter 1

Kate wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, brushing aside the curls that had freed themselves from her ponytail. Today had been one of the hottest days they had on the island and she was beginning to regret her decision to venture out into the jungle in search of unpicked fruit trees. The survivors had been eating more fruit than usual lately, picking the nearby trees clean. This worried Kate, as the farther out she had to travel for new sources of fruit, the more frequent and dangerous her hike was becoming. Normally, she didn't mind being alone, but after her time with the others… Well, she didn't want to accidentally run into them anytime soon, that was for sure.

She smiled when she reached her destination, an undiscovered fruit paradise an hours walk from the beach. Taking off her backpack, she stopped and looked around, taking in the tall trees and lush foliage. She opened it and grabbed her water bottle, disappointedly realizing she had already drank half of her water on the trek here. She put it back, trying to save the rest for her trip back.

She sighed and headed towards the nearest mango tree. As she started her climb up, she thought about Jack, the doctor who had haunted her dreams and avoided her in reality. Ever since Jack's return with Juliet, there had been much tension between the previously close duo, creating a distance between them that made them akin to strangers. They no longer joked around or talked, their only interaction reduced to secret glances and uncomfortable small talk. It seemed like he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. On occasion, it even seemed as if he hated her and was disgusted by her mere existence. She knew it was because he had seen her and Sawyer on camera, but didn't know what to do to fix things. As much as she wanted Jack, she wanted him to be happy, and knew that she couldn't possibly make him happy. Not with her baggage, her failures, her fears. She wasn't what he needed, so she left things as they were, hoping that time would mend the wounds that she inflicted. She would never let him know that she didn't love Sawyer, and would continue her charade, despite the fact that it was killing her.

Sawyer was another story, however. He was fun, understood her, and had no expectations in terms of their relationship, or so she thought. She knew he cared about her, assuming their closeness was nothing more than an intimate friendship. During their time together, she learned that he had a daughter, and had loved someone back in the real world, although they were not together, or even on speaking terms. So she let things with him carry on, ignorant that it was she that haunted his dreams, and that he would settle for whatever she would give him. And Sawyer would never tell her how he truly felt, that he would risk his life for her, and that he could envision a life with her, settled down with a couple of kids and a dog, maybe even a white picket fence.

Reaching out, she grabbed a mango, plucking it from the stem. She quickly put it in the sack which hung to her side, repeating the procedure for the next ten minutes until it was full, then started to climb back down the tree to unload the fruit. She climbed back up, settling into a routine, and thankful for something to keep her busy. However, still thinking about how she messed everything up with Jack, she soon became so lost in thought that she hadn't noticed the trees being knocked down, and heard the groaning of the monster when it was too late.

As soon as she heard it, Kate's head jerked up and her brown eyes widened in fear. She dropped her bag and practically slid down the length of the tree, scraping the insides of her arms and her palms in the process. Ignoring the pain, she reached the bottom, grabbed her backpack, and ran through the jungle, praying she would find somewhere to hide.

Kate's feet pounded against the hard earth as she ran. Running was what she did best, literally and figuratively. Practice makes perfect and she was thankful she had always tried to stay in shape, especially during her most recent time in Australia. Hearing the screeches of the monster get closer, she looked back. She barely had time to scream before she was snatched up. Sharp claw like appendages tore into her right side, just under her ribs. Hot, searing pain spread through her body, pain she had never felt before. As quickly as she was grabbed, she was let go and thrown. The second her head hit something hard, she blacked out, her last thought of how she would never get the chance to fix things with Jack.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Meanwhile, back at the beach, Claire was looking for Kate. She wanted to see if the brunette would watch Aaron for a couple hours later in the day so that she could have some time to relax alone, or maybe just catch up on some sleep. Balancing Aaron on her hip, Claire stopped by Kate's tent, hoping the older woman had decided to spend the day trying to keep cool. "Kate?" she called out in her soft accent. When no one answered, she tried again. "Hey, there, are you sleeping?" When she still received no response, she sighed and looked at her son. "Maybe someone else will watch you, sweetie." She started to walk away when she saw Sawyer walking on the beach by the water. Thinking he might know where Kate was, she grasped her baby and attempted to half jog over to him.

"Sawyer!" The man looked up when he heard his name being called and nearly groaned at the sight of Claire. _She better not want me to watch that kid for her_, he thought. The last time he did the little blonde a favor, the brat spit up all over his favorite shirt. Since Craphole Island was lacking in laundry facilities after the Hatch imploded, the shirt was never the same.

"Do you know where Kate is?" she asked, adjusting her grasp on the baby she was holding. She gave him her sweetest smile, hoping he would just give her a straight answer so she could be on her way. It wasn't that she didn't like Saywer, he just was far from one of her favorite people on the island. To be honest, the man's attitude could be so downright appalling that she would almost rather spend the day with Juliet. _Almost_.

He looked down at her and grinned. "Now, even if I did, why would I tell you?"

She knew he wouldn't help her. Her smile faded but she remained polite. "Sorry to bother you, Sawyer. I just wanted to ask her a favor. If you see her, just let her know I was looking for her." With a hasty smile, she quickly turned and walked away.

He knew where Kate was, she had told him she was heading out to get some more fruit before she left his tent that morning. He fondly remembered why she had been in his tent to begin with, recalling the highlights of the previous night. He knew she would be back in a couple of hours, so he headed back to his tent to read while he waited.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sunsets on Mystery Island were possibly the most breathtaking in the world. The sun was a golden orange and the sky was a mix of purple, pink, blue, and red hues. With the ocean glittering beneath and palm trees bending toward them, as if trying to touch the water, Jack couldn't help but stop walking to stand and admire it. He could only imagine how much money people spent to travel to tropical destinations such as this, and here he was, stranded on a deserted island with no sign of rescue. And, as luck would have it, he was on the island from Hell. _Of course_ he was on the freakish island with polar bears, monsters, deformed foot statues, a ghost of his father, and, oh, not to mention those psychotic Others who kidnapped him, tried to kill his friends, and tried to steal Claire's baby. And to top it off, the woman he had fallen in love with was screwing another man. His life pretty much sucked lately.

He knew things with Kate were falling apart, that there was this invisible wall between them that prevented them from making any sort of communication, meaningful or not. Even worse, he knew he was allowing it to happen. He was watching everything good about the island fall and crumble, and he did nothing to try to stop it from collapsing. Jack just couldn't stop feeling angry, hurt, and unwanted. Not only had Sarah left him for another man, but on a deserted island, where he was one of the few good looking, single men, Kate chose the hillbilly over him! She chose redneck, crude Sawyer over him, the doctor, the hero. He would give anything not to feel the way he did. Watching Kate and Sawyer have sex broke him. The hopes he had for he and Kate flew out the window and all he felt now was empty. At first, he wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt him. Bringing Juliet back to the camp was one surefire way to accomplish that, although he wasn't quite sure how well that worked. But now, he just wanted to forget her. He _needed_ to forget her and move on, to stop the hurt. So his new plan was to ignore her, no matter how hard it was, and to focus on Juliet.

He had a feeling Juliet was falling in love with him. Well, it was more than a feeling; he was pretty sure about it. After everything she had done for him, how could she not? But it wasn't Juliet that he dreamed of making love to in the middle of the night. It wasn't Juliet that he would stare at when he thought no one was watching. And it wasn't Juliet that he would worry about when she wasn't around.

"Hey, Doc," came a Southern drawl from behind Jack. The absolute last person he wanted to see at that moment. He brought his hand up to his back and rubbed his five o'clock shadow before turning around.

"Can I help you, Sawyer?" His voice betrayed no emotion, but Sawyer thought he detected a bit of irritation, or even defeat, in Jack's voice.

"Uh, actually, yeah, you can. You see, Freckles…. Well, she's missing."

"Missing."

"Yeah, missing, as in she never came back from her little adventure into the Magical Jungle of Death today." Sawyer got angry. Why wasn't the Doc taking this seriously?

"I'm sure she's fine. Kate's very capable and she knows not to go too far off."

"Yeah, whatever, but I think we need to go out looking for her."

"Look, Sawyer, I know you may be worried, but it's getting dark out. She probably just made camp for the night." Although Jack feigned indifference, he was worried. Kate had only gone out for fruit, she should have been back by now. But he wasn't going to go out after her. She was Sawyer's responsibility now.

"Listen… Hell, I know things have been bad between you guys lately," Sawyer started trying to convince the other man to help search for the woman they both loved. "But I've got a pretty bad feelin' about this. I'm going out to find her no matter what, and I figured with you being Dr. Quinn and all, you might wanna help."

Jack took a deep breath and looked down. "Okay, I'm going to look for her. But you stay here. I'll take Charlie or Sayid with me to search."

Sawyer shook his head. "You've got to be shittin me. There is no way I'm staying here while you go off and play hero!"

"We need someone to stay here in case the Others attack."

"Let someone else do it! You're not giving me orders!" Sawyer all but growled, shooting the other man his angriest death stare.

"You're staying Sawyer. You'll be no use to Kate if you get hurt out there. I'll ask Charlie, grab my pack, and head out tonight." With his final words said, Jack left an enraged Sawyer behind.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Charlie and Jack had been hiking in the dark for a good forty-five minutes before Charlie spoke up. "Jack, I want to find her too, but don't you think we should wait for morning? It's too dark." Charlie really did want to find Kate, he liked her a lot. She and Claire had slowly been becoming really close, and he could see how much Claire appreciated the support of another female on the island.

Jack nodded, knowing Charlie was right. They would never be able to find Kate this late at night. "This looks like a good enough place to stay the night. We'll search first thing in the morning." Despite his anger towards Kate, he didn't want her to get hurt. They silently set up their things for the night and fell into a restless sleep.

The next morning, the two men were awoken to a downpour of rain suddenly soaking them to the bone. Jack swore. "We'll never find her trail in this!"

"Don't worry, man," Charlie tried to reassure him. "We'll find her. Let's just keep looking around for fruit trees, maybe we'll have more luck."

Dejected, Jack could only nod. The chances of finding her now were quickly decreasing, and he had no idea where any fruit trees would be. But they had to keep some sort of hope, so he gave Charlie a tight smile. "Yeah, maybe."

They hadn't even walked for a half hour before Jack saw what could only be described as an orchard of fruit trees. Squinting, he thought he could make out some bags near one of the tree trunks. "There!" he yelled, running over. He dropped to his knees in the mud, the rain pouring down his face, and opened the bags, only to find mangos. "It's Kate's," he declared. She had obviously been there, but where was she? Charlie walked around the area a bit, noticing it looked a bit destroyed.

"Jack, either there was a really bad storm that we slept through, or something's been through here." Jack looked up towards Charlie, immediately noticing what the ex-rock star was talking about. His heart dropped and he immediately thought of what they had been chased by the first day on the island.

"Let's keep looking, she can't be too far behind," Charlie suggested. Jack grabbed Kate's things as they continued their search, each one lost in their own thoughts of what they would find if they found Kate.

Kate slowly opened her eyes only to have to close them to prevent water from going in them. She took a shallow breath in, quickly realizing that it hurt to breathe. She tried to lift her head, immediately regretting that attempt as pain shot through her entire head. Slowly, she raised her right hand up, hissing in agony as she did so. Trying to take a deeper breath, she tried to push through the pain. She brought her hand to her head and drew it back, noticing the blood running down her arm.

_It's okay, Kate, head wounds always bleed a lot_, she reminded herself. The pain all over her body was excruciating and she could barely keep her eyes open. She remembered all too well what had caused her this pain. _Maybe it thought it killed me_, she thought almost hopefully. She tried to sit up to figure out where she ended up and the moment she did so, she cried out in pain. "Oh God," she managed to get out. She looked down at her torso and gasped. Her right side had been badly torn by the monster and she was bleeding profusely. "Oh, God," she whispered. What the hell was she going to do now?

The moment Charlie and Jack heard the cry, they looked at each other before taking off running to their left. They stopped short and looked down the ditch below them. It wasn't extremely deep, maybe only twenty feet below them, but it was filled with jagged rocks. At the very bottom of the ditch was bleeding and torn Kate.

"Kate!" Jack screamed. She lifted her eyes upwards, not quite believing what she was hearing. "Jack?" she whispered. No, she was definitely imaging things. Jack could barely stand her, he wouldn't be here looking for her. She must have hit her head pretty hard if she was imagining Jack rescuing her.

"Kate, don't move, we'll be down in a minute!" He started climbing down, Charlie quickly following, towards where Kate was. Luckily for them, the sides of the ditch weren't steep, but rain wasn't helping them in the least. The moment Jack touched ground, he darted to Kate's side, Charlie following seconds later.

"Jack," she said softly, almost whispering. He put his hand on the side of her face, caressing her cheek. "Shh, don't talk. I'm just going to take a look at you and see how bad you're hurt." She nodded her head slightly, thankful he was there and was real. His eyes quickly glanced over her injuries. He quickly noted a concussion, a deep laceration on the back of her head, many cuts and bruises over her arms, which was the only skin visible to him, and the most noticeable, deep gauges in her side. Her once orange shirt was soaked with deep red blood, and the pool of it was quickly spreading. He unbuttoned his over- shirt and took it off, leaving only his fitted dark t-shirt on. He pressed it to her side, attempting to stop the bleeding. She gasped in pain, tears welling up in her eyes. Kate tried to blink them back, wanting to be strong and not wanting him to see her fall apart, but it was useless. His heart broke, seeing her in so much pain.

"It's okay Kate," he said evenly, "you're going to be okay." He looked down at her, avoiding her eyes. He didn't want her to see how worried he was, how scared he was of losing her. He didn't want her to see how much he cared. With no real medical supplies, he was hoping he wasn't lying to her. He raked his extra hand over his dark hair, closed his eyes, and silently counted to five.

Jack opened his eyes and looked at Kate. There was a very good chance he could lose her if he didn't act fast. Between her wounds getting infected, her blood loss, and the risk of that thing coming back, he knew he had to get her back to camp as quickly as possible. He stomach churned at the thought of having to move her all the way back to their camp, but knowing it was necessary. "Kate," he started, "we need to get you back. I'm going to have to carry you, so hold on to my neck." She whimpered in response, not moving closer to him, but also not backing away. "We need to do this. If we don't go now, you… We need to go," he pushed. He turned to Charlie. "I need you to carry our stuff while I carry her." The younger man nodded in response, having stayed silent ever since they found Kate. He had never seen to much blood, and the thought of it coming from his friend made him sick to his stomach.

Jack stood and tentatively bent down to pick Kate up. She immediately stiffened in his arms and neither was sure if it was from her injuries or because of their close proximity. As Jack started to hike back up, Kate faded in and out of consciousness, eventually losing her fight to stay awake.

The hike back to the camp had been tiresome and quiet. No one spoke unless it was necessary and they arrived by midday. Jack brought Kate to a small, private cave he has designated his new home and laid her down on some blankets. She shivered slightly at the loss of his warmth and slowly opened her eyes, grimacing as the pain returned.

"I'm going to get you some pain killers, try not to move too much." He walked over to the back of his cave and dug through some luggage until he found what he was looking for. Retrieving a bottle of water from his back pack, he put the pills up to her mouth and followed them with water. She took a sip and swallowed, then looked up at the ceiling.

"I'm going to have to sew your side up once the medicine starts to kick in. It's going to hurt…" He knew it would because he remembered what it was like for him when she stitched up his side the first time they met, and she would never forget what it was like to fix him. Kate nodded, knowing it was necessary, and completely unwilling to show him her fear. The space between them was tense and bitter, neither wanting to do anything overly civil.

He gathered his supplies swiftly, as they were always within reach in case of emergencies. He attempted to sterilize the needle to the best of his ability, and threaded it. He knew why doctors were never supposed to treat family or friends, and what he was feeling was the exact reason for it. It took all of his effort for him to distance himself from the situation at hand and to keep all emotion out of his voice. "You'll have to take your shirt off. Do you need help?" She shook her head negatively in response and he stood staring at his hands while she undressed and lay back down. He knelt by her side and told her calmly, "No matter how much this hurts, you need to stay as still as possible. Do you want someone in here with you to help keep you calm?" Once again, she shook her head no, just wanting to get it over with. "Okay. I'm going to start now."

Nothing could have prepared Kate for what she was about to experience. She felt everything as the needle pierced her skin in and out, as the thread was dragged through her, closing the wound. She bit her lip to keep from calling out but it did nothing to muffle her cries of pain. Hot salty tears streamed down her red face and her fists clenched the edges of the blanket beneath her. She tried to think of anything calming- the ocean, soft sand under her toes, even how much better she would feel once Jack was finished- but nothing worked. She squeezed her eyes shut and just waited for it to be over.


	5. Chapter 5

_Hey guys! I just wanted to thank everyone for reviewing. I'm working on longer chapters (sorry about those short ones earlier!), so don't lose faith. I appreciate your feedback, so let me know what you like/don't like. Hope you enjoy!_

Chapter 5

The next morning, Jack awoke from his uncomfortable spot on the floor with a groan. He stretched his muscular arms out and yawned. He looked around and for a moment wondered what he had been doing sleeping on the ground and not on the pile of clothes he had been using as a makeshift mattress lately. Suddenly, the past day came back to him and his eyes drifted to the unmoving form to his right. Slowly, so as not to wake the person, he got up and walked out of his cave and towards the stream to fill up his water bottle. He didn't want Kate to know he had fallen asleep watching over her.

When Kate woke up in an empty room, she was not only in pain, but disappointed. She thought Jack would at least care enough to make sure she was alright, but apparently not. Instead, he was nowhere to be found. Knowing it was pointless for her to try to get up and move around, and that trying to do so would only cause her further injury, she remained where she was and tried to go back to sleep.

Jack walked down to the beach to get out of the caves. He would go back in a little while, but it was too hard for him to be near her when all he wanted to do was yell at her for her relationship with Sawyer. And when he didn't want to yell at her, he wanted to hold her, fix her, and kiss her. He flashed back to their first kiss and how her lips felt when they covered his, her hands on his face, his hands on her small waist.

Down the beach he saw Juliet and decided to see how she was doing. He hadn't seen her in the past couple days and honestly, although he had no romantic feelings for her, he missed the attention she showered him with.

"Hey, Jack," Juliet greeted with a smile as she saw him approaching. "Good morning."

"Good morning. How have you been?" He really did feel bad he hadn't been around. He also knew that hardly any of the survivors had bothered with her.

"Not too bad. I haven't seen you around lately." So she _had_ noticed his absence.

"Yeah… Actually, Kate's injured. I found her in the jungle and brought her back." Juliet's thin eyebrows raised at this new information, silently asking for details. "I know. I just… I just need to make sure she's okay. I know everything she did and part of me wants to say she doesn't deserve my help, but the other part of me… Maybe I just care too much."

Juliet nodded, completely understanding where he was coming from about caring too much. She knew all too well how he felt about Kate, but she also knew that he was trying to move on. She reached out her hand and softly touched his arm. "If you need anything…" She didn't need to finish her statement. He knew.

"Are you ever going to tell her how you feel?" He shook his head and laughed softly.

"No, I really don't think so. There's no point." Once again, she nodded understandingly. Really, Juliet wasn't a bad person. Maybe a little selfish at times, but who wouldn't want to get off that island? She and Jack had quickly become close friends, each finding it easy to be honest with the other, and few secrets were kept from the other. "I just wanted to come by and say hi. I need to go check on her… Maybe we can meet up later?"

Juliet smiled at the thought of possibly spending an evening alone with Jack. He may be in love with someone else, but that didn't mean that something couldn't happen between then, did it? "Of course, I'll stop by later on tonight. I want to see what plants they have around here, maybe we can talk to Sun and come up with some sort of herbal medicine."

Jack nodded slightly and waved his goodbye before heading back to the cave. Kate was sure to be up by now and before he sent her back to her tent for bed rest, he wanted to make sure she wasn't going to develop an infection from the wounds. However, upon entering his cave, he was more than displeased with the sight before him. Sawyer had somehow learned of Kate's return and Jack had the misfortune of seeing them share an intimate kiss. Anger welled up inside of him and he quickly felt hot and sick. Trying not to let them see him this way, he clenched his fists and walked inside.

"Sawyer, I don't remember inviting you over." His cold voice startled the two lovers, who quickly broke apart at the disruption. Kate dragged the back of her hand across her mouth, wiping any of Sawyer's left over saliva from her lips. Sawyer grinned, knowing what the other man had walked in on.

"Oh, gee, Doc, I didn't think I needed an invitation. I just came over here to see how Freckles here was doing and didn't think you'd be back for a while."

"Well, I am. So why don't you wait outside while I check her out and make sure she's going to heal okay?" Jack's gaze never left Kate's face as he spoke.

"Anything you say!" Sawyer gave Jack a mock-friendly slap on the back as he exited.

Jack hesitantly approached Kate, who during the exchange had found her nails very interesting. She was starting to look much better than before, even more so than earlier that morning. Sometimes Jack wondered if there were properties on the island that encouraged quick healing. He was fairly happy that she was healing, not just because he wanted her to get better, but because once she was healed enough on her own, she could move back into her own tent.

"How are you feeling," he asked. She raised her eyes and gave the smallest shrug.

"Not too bad, considering. I hurt but I wouldn't expect not to." He nodded.

"I just need to check out your wound and make sure your stats are normal, is that ok?" He didn't want to just start examining her without her permission.

"Yeah, whatever you need to do." Jack carefully lifted up the edge of her shirt and moved the bandage to the side. The wound was pretty bad, but not too severe. She was lucky. Kate shivered as his hands softly brushed over her skin. "Sorry," he mumbled. She didn't reply and her heart rate sped up. He moved his hands to her face and gently moved her head side to side and then checked her eyes. For the most part, she looked really good. The wounds on her side had been done with something sharp, so they were clean cut, and if she took care of them, they wouldn't get infected.

Finally he took her small wrist into his larger hand and put his fingers on the inside of it to check her pulse. Her heart was still pounding as loud and hard as it possibly could, and he noticed its abnormally fast pace. He wondered why she was so nervous, in the back of his mind hoping it was a good nervous because of him. That thought was quickly dismissed as the image of her and Sawyer kissing mere minutes ago imposed itself. Disgusted with the thought, he dropped her hand.

"Not bad," he started. "Within a couple days you'll be able to go back to your own tent. I'll have Sun or Claire bring you some food. You'll need to keep your strength up if you want to get better soon."

His voice was so clinical, it startled her. She remembered him saying once that his bedside manner left something to be desired, but she couldn't imagine him being a successful, well-liked doctor without some sort of people skills. Especially with someone he knew. Wanting to fix things, or at least attempt to clear the thick air between them, she took a deep breath and prepared to speak. Her stomach was in knots and she had to convince herself that she needed to bring this up to him.

"Jack, can we talk?"

"I'm really not sure what you want to talk about, Kate. Just stay still for a couple of days, keep the wound clean, and make sure you eat and stay hydrated. Without any real medical supplies, there's not much else you can do."

"I'm not talking about that. We need to talk about what's been going on between us lately." They both knew he knew exactly what she was talking about, but he didn't want to talk about that specific issue. For him, the less of an issue it was, the better.

"Nothing's going on, we're fine. I realize you're with Sawyer now and I respect that. So let's just let it be, okay, Kate?"

"No, you don't understand, I'm sorry for…" he cut her off mid sentence. "There's nothing to be sorry for. You did what you had to do and you made your choice. I'm stepping back, just give me time." A few specific things were running through Jack's mind, primarily about how he wanted to tell her she broke his heart when she chose Sawyer over him, how he loved her more than anyone he's ever been with, and how the thought of being without her was scarier than never getting off this island. But he kept his mouth shut, turned on his heel, and walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi everyone! Thank you all for your reviews- they definately make me want to write more. Sorry it took me so long to put this chapter out and that it is so short- I'm in the middle of moving to a new house and things have been pretty crazy in the process. Also, I'm on the fence about which direction I want this story to go. I have a couple of tentative ideas, but if you guys have anything you want to happen... Tell me!! I'd love to hear some reader input. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 6

It had been two days since the couple's conversation and Jack had avoided speaking about anything relationship related with Kate. She found him spending increasingly more time with Juliet, which bothered her more than she wanted to admit. Although all she initially had wanted to do was to try to make everything relatively normal between them, she realized that she may have wanted something beyond strict friendship to develop between them. The thought scared her because she knew that she would only end up hurting him. But he was a grown man, old enough to make his own decisions, right? Still, she felt she owed it to him to be honest with him about her past. If she were honest about that, she could gage his reaction. If he could handle it, good. If he couldn't handle what she did, well, she knew that they would never have the sort of relationship she desired.

She smiled to herself, extremely content with her resolution to the situation as she felt it satisfied both her need to protect Jack and her knowledge that he was able to make his own choices about who he wanted to be with. Now, she only needed to find time for them to speak privately.

Jack finally returned to the cave they had been awkwardly sharing later that night. It had been hard for Kate to stay up since she had still been recovering, but she heard him enter and ruffle through some of his belongings. Her eyes fluttered open and she stayed quiet, watching and admiring, completely unwilling to disturb him. Once he finished what he was doing, he turned around and jumped at her open eyes. He laughed softly.

"I didn't know you were awake." He sat down next to her and stared at his hands.

"I just woke up. I tried to wait up for you, but all this sleeping had made me really tired." They both smiled at the irony of the situation, both knowing how refreshing too much sleep _wasn't_.

"Everything's fine though, right?" Jack started, "You don't feel sicker, do you?"

"Oh, no, I'm feeling pretty good. Tomorrow I want to try to take a walk down by the beach. But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." His dark chocolate eyes searched hers, confused. Kate continued, "I know you don't want to talk about us, but I need to be honest with you about my past."

"Kate, you don't need to tell me anything. Remember, we started fresh on this island, new lives."

"I know, but I'll never be able to move forward if I can't deal with what happened before. Just hear me out, please?" He nodded and turned to face her. "I loved my dad, who I thought was my dad, more than anything. We just understood each other, you know? But it turned out that my dad wasn't my real dad. My real father was my alcoholic, abusive step father, Wayne. He used to hit my mom, rape her, and steal from her. The little money she had from her waitressing job, he stole for booze. She never went to the police though, and she never told me why. I thought she was just scared of him. One night, he threw her down a flight of stairs, gave her a concussion, broken wrist, and nearly beat her to death while she was unconscious. He threatened to kill her, so I took out an insurance policy out on the house in her name."

She paused, trying to gage the look on Jack's face. He seemed to know what happened next. "A few weeks later, I left him alone in the house, drunk, with the gas on. He lit a cigarette and the house exploded."

Jack looked at her, stunned, but also confused. "I thought… Didn't you say you killed the man you loved?"

Kate nodded. "Not him. My mom was the one who turned me in to the cops. She chose him over me without even hesitating. She got cancer and Tom worked at the hospital she was in. He got me in to see her and she screamed for help. I was on the run and there were cops everywhere looking for me. He tried to help me escape." Her eyes welled up with tears and her face went pale.

"I told him not to come. He was married, had a son. I told him to get out of the car and he wouldn't. The cops shot him. It was my fault, all my fault, and I'm so sorry." The tears streamed down her face, blurring her vision.

"Shh, it's okay. It's going to be okay," he wrapped his arms around her in what he hoped was a comforting hug. She pulled away slightly and looked at him with watery eyes.

"There are so many people I hurt. And I just kept hurting people, even when I was on the run. I just didn't want to end up hurting you like I hurt them. I couldn't do that to you. You're so good and you don't deserve someone like me screwing up your life."

"Kate, I'm not as good as you think I am. I can protect myself and I wanted to be with you. But you're with Sawyer, and there's nothing…"

"Jack, I never chose Sawyer over you. I've always wanted you, only you."

_This time all I want is you_

_There is no one else_

_Who can take your place_

_This time you burn me with your eyes_

_You see past all the lies_

He looked at her, entirely taken aback. At his lack of response, she grew nervous, and started to talk fast. "I've been through a lot and I know I have a lot of baggage, but I know what I want. I know what I _need_."

_I've seen it all_

_And it's never enough_

_It keeps leaving me needing you_

_Take me away_

_Take me away_

_I've got nothing left to say_

_Just take me away_

"I know I've already hurt you. I haven't always been very honest with you, but you knew things anyway. And with you, everything seems so…. right. It all just falls into place. I want to try to make this, us, work."

_I try to make my way to you_

_But still I feel so lost_

_I don't know what else I can do_

_I've seen it all_

_And it's never enough_

_It keeps leaving me needing you_

_Take me away_

_Take me away_

_I've got nothing left to say_

_Just take me away_

"I know that it's a lot to ask, a lot to go on faith, but I really want to try. It'll take me a while to get better at this, but I want to. I don't want to be alone, Jack. Just…. think about it, okay?"

_Don't give up on me yet_

_Don't forget who I am_

_I know I'm not there yet_

_But don't let me stay here alone_

_This time all I want is you_

_There is no one else_

_Who can take your place_

_I've seen enough and it's never enough_

_It keeps leaving me needing you_

_Take me away_

_Take me away_

_I've got nothing left to say_

_Just take me away_

She looked at him, her eyes pleading with him not to reject her, not to look away. She didn't know what she would do if he looked away. It would be easier for her, she wouldn't have to let him in, wouldn't have to trust him, wouldn't have to fall in love with him. But maybe she already has. And, with all the possible scenarios she had mapped out in her head as to how he would respond, he did the least likely of all of them.


End file.
